Life After Loss

We are so excited to announce that we are expecting sweet baby Suszko in June 2017! However, this is so much more than a baby announcement post. So many of you mourned with us earlier this year with our miscarriage, and now we want you to celebrate with us as we are expecting again. It certainly didn’t happen when I thought it would. I didn’t think it would take longer to get pregnant the second time. It happened when it seemed least likely to happen. When things didn’t appear to be lining up. The God of the impossible stepped into my situation and said now is the time. We are so excited and so thankful. I can remember thinking and even saying to few people shortly after our loss that now I couldn’t see myself announcing our next pregnancy until 12-15 weeks in. Until after we were out of the “danger zone”. I couldn’t imagine annoucining joyous news and then having to share another devastating loss. But from the moment I found out there was a precious life growing in me I’ve had so much peace. I had no desire to keep this a secret. Do I still have fearful thoughts? Absolutely. But I don’t dwell on them. I know this peace is from God, and when fear tries to overwhelm me, He is faithful to encourage me. I choose to hold onto His peace and His word.

Even though we are now walking a new journey filled with hope I don’t want to forget where I’ve come from. I remember how hard it was seeing everyone else getting to enjoy motherhood. I knew I was going to have kids, but seeing ultrasound pictures, baby bumps, and even pictures of newborns was still a painful reminder of what I didn’t have. I was so happy for those women. I really was. But nothing could replace the longing I had in my heart for my own kids. I remember feeling angry, bitter, hurt and lonely at times. I remember avoiding social media or changing the channel on tv so I wouldn’t have to see it. I remember when I wanted to avoid all the baby aisles at the store. I remember how hard those months of waiting were. And because I know there are so many other women who are still experiencing those things, I’m choosing not to post about the pregnancy on social media after this. Of course you can still talk to me about it. This isn’t a secret (obviously) or a topic that is off limits. I may blog about it. But my feed won’t consist of baby bump pictures or updates of how my pregnancy is going. Now I also don’t want my choice to make anyone else feel guilty for doing the things above. That’s not my intention. At all. My decision is very personal.

So for those of you who are hurting and praying and still waiting, I’m praying for you. My heart goes out to you. And because of that I almost didn’t want to post this at all. I remember being where you are. And as the weeks and months go on my prayer for myself is for God to not let me forget. When I’m tired, God remind me. When I’m not feeling well, God remind me. When I’m frustrated, God remind me. And even when the baby comes and life is hard, God remind me. I don’t ever want to take my answer to prayer for granted. So please take hope that if God can do it for me, He can do it for you.

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