A year ago today I said hello and goodbye all at once. You made me a mom. When I lost you, I lost part of me. I long so deeply for what was taken from me.
The last year has been the hardest year of my life. Losing a child is devastating beyond words. But even in the loss, my baby taught me so much. He taught me about myself, my marriage, and my faith. It’s given me a compassion I didn’t have before. It’s given me an appreciation for our son coming in June, our rainbow baby, our promise. Someday I hope it’s easier to celebrate his life more than it is to mourn it. But today is not that day. Happy first heavens birthday my worshipper. We miss you dearly.
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You! -Isaiah 26:3
Nothing can replace His peace. Being able to go through a pregnancy after loss and not be fearful of it happening again is an indescribable feeling. It’s something I hoped for but didn’t entirely expect. I didn’t even have this much peace for the six weeks I knew I was pregnant the first time. God is good. He is faithful. And He’s making a way for us this year.